Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-
Bette
Davis
-----------------------------------------------------
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A
woman must do what he can't.
-
Rhonda
Hansome
-----------------------------------------------------
The
phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-
Jane
Sellman
-----------------------------------------------------
Whatever women must do they must do twice as
well as men to be thought
half as good. Luckily, this
is not difficult.
-
Charlotte
Whitton
-----------------------------------------------------
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head
together and your body
starts falling apart.
-
Caryn
Leschen
-----------------------------------------------------
I try to take one day at a time, but
sometimes several days attack me at
once.
-
Jennifer
Unlimited
-----------------------------------------------------
If you can't be a good example, then you'll
just have to be a horrible
warning.
-
Catherine
Aird
-----------------------------------------------------
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes
because I know I'm not
dumb,
and I'm also not blonde.
-
Dolly
Parton
-----------------------------------------------------
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,
but you hardly ever see a
smart woman with a dumb guy.
-
Erica
Jong
-----------------------------------------------------
If high heels were so wonderful, men would
still be wearing them.
-
Sue
Grafton
-----------------------------------------------------
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one
you can ride on.
-
Roseanne
Barr
-----------------------------------------------------
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
invade
another country.
-
Elayne
Boosler
-----------------------------------------------------
Behind every successful man is a surprised
woman.
-
Maryon
Pearson
-----------------------------------------------------
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a
man-if you want anything
done, ask a woman.
-
Margaret
Thatcher
-----------------------------------------------------
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on
how to combine marriage and a
career.
-
Gloria
Steinem
-----------------------------------------------------
I never married, because there was no need. I
have three pets at home
which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls
every
morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes
home
late every night.
-
Marie
Corelli
-----------------------------------------------------
If men can run
the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How
intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your
neck?
-
Linda
Ellerbee
-----------------------------------------------------
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I
leave a man I keep his house.
-
Zsa
Zsa Gabor
-----------------------------------------------------
Nobody can make you feel inferior without
your permission.
-
Eleanor
Roosevelt
Things to learn from kids
1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the
motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound
puppy underwear and a superman cape.
2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of
a 20 by 20 foot room.
3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already
too late.
4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
5. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36
year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes,
it does not leak - it explodes.
7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot
house 4 inches deep.
8. LEGOS will pass through the
digestive tract of a four year old.
9. Super glue is forever.
10. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.
12. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
13. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.
14. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
15. The fire department in San Jose is at least a 5 minute response
time.
16. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms
dizzy.
17. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
18. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
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